Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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