I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
birth control should be required to get into college
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
