After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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