I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
