Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
God, I missed his penis.
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