The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
