Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
