it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
