Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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