I'm laying in your front yard are you home
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
