Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
