Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
