She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
