I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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