I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just cropdusted the office
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
