Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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