Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
