Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
