Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
