Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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