just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
