Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
