Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
