My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
