Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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