I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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