Me too!
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
