I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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