Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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