Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
