I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
