It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My vagina just clenched in fear
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
