The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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