yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
