Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
