She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
