So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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