Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
