Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
