i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
