"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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