Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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