at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
