a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
