I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
