dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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