I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
