Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
