Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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