i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
