Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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