i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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